![\"Stars](\"https:\/\/marksaywriter.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Stars.jpg\")
<\/a>\u201cWell feel free,\u201d she said, as if I was breathing her air.<\/p>\n\u201cYou bored with the party?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhatever gives you that idea?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou seem more interested in whatever\u2019s up there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe I am.\u201d<\/p>\n
I kept my eyes on the sky and held a brief silence. It wasn\u2019t a complete surprise to find her in that spot. She wasn\u2019t an outcast at school, but wasn\u2019t part of anyone\u2019s group and had a reputation for an offhand attitude, dark clothes and liking weird music. And I wasn\u2019t aware of any of the boys having chatted her up. The alcopops prompted me to be the first.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo what do you see up there?\u201d<\/p>\n
Stacey turned her head towards mine. For a moment I expected her to snap at me, but she looked back to the sky.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. You go first.\u201d<\/p>\n
I guessed she was daring me to be clever. I knew a little about the night sky, so I tilted my head forwards, enough to spot the North Star and point to its side.<\/p>\n
\u201cSecond star to the right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNorth Star, and second star to the right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd what\u2019s so special about that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeverland.\u201d<\/p>\n
I waited, fearing she was going to think it was lame.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou mean where Peter Pan took Wendy and her wimpy brothers?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s right.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike in that old Disney film.\u201d<\/p>\n
I spoke the words from the song.<\/p>\n
The second star to the right<\/em><\/p>\n Shines in the night for you<\/em><\/p>\n To tell you that the dreams you plan<\/em><\/p>\n Really can come true<\/em><\/p>\n Another moment of silence, then she laughed. I felt pleased.<\/p>\n \u201cIs that what you want to be?\u201d she asked. \u201cPeter Pan?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, but Neverland sounds like fun. I like the bit about dreams coming true.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo you want to be in a Disney cartoon; all pirates and fairies and little boys in animal costumes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan you think of anything better?\u201d<\/p>\n She was quiet for a moment, moved her hand on the grass and brushed against mine. I wanted to reach out but didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d rather go to the third star to the right.\u201d<\/p>\n I looked up. I suppose there was third star to the right but I had never given it much thought.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what\u2019s there?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFun stuff. The type of fun that annoys your parents and gets you kicked out of school. Where they\u2019ve got music and drink and drugs that nobody here has ever heard of, and you can stay out and put off the morning for as long you like.\u201d<\/p>\n I thought for a moment and decided that might be more fun that Neverland.<\/p>\n \u201cSo how do you get there?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll work that out.\u201d<\/p>\n We. <\/em>I liked the sound of that. I turned my head and we shared a smile, hinting that it could turn into something more. Then a yell ripped across the garden and two blobs of teenage testosterone charged towards us spraying beer onto our legs. Stacey sat up and snapped.<\/p>\n \u201cKnobheads!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOi! Is this a snogging session?\u201d<\/p>\n She stood up, grabbing a handful of earth from the shrub bed and pushed it into the knobhead\u2019s face. He spluttered on it and his mate burst out laughing. She stomped back towards the house. The knobhead grabbed a handful of earth and muttered about pushing it into her face. I grabbed him from behind, his mate stood in front and we made some calming noises. Five minutes of that put a couple of years on his age and he agreed to let it go, so I walked back into the house looking for Stacey. She had gone.<\/p>\n I dampened the disappointment by telling myself I would run into her during the summer, but she dropped from sight. Weeks later we went back to school and I heard that her parents had split and she left town with her mum.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It was ten years before we met again. I was happy, with a job I liked, a nice flat and a girlfriend I was ready to marry. Stacey looked washed out and detached from the world, but as we noticed each other on the street she stopped and spoke my name.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s been a long time,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n \u201cI know. Sorry, I remember I left you at a party.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Where did you go? The third star to the right?\u201d<\/p>\n For a moment she stared as if I had spoken nonsense, then remembered.<\/p>\n \u201cOh yeah! And you wanted to go to Neverland.\u201d<\/p>\n I asked if she wanted a coffee, took her into a caf\u00e9 and wound up ordering a couple of burgers and chips. She picked at the food, and I noticed some small scars on her arm.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat have you been up to?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYou go first.\u201d<\/p>\n So I told her about A levels and university, work and my fianc\u00e9; and that I only saw a handful of the people we had known at school. Then it was her turn. She mentioned another town, then a city up north, then a seaside town known for benefit claimants and a drug problem. Now she was dossing with a friend in scuzzy part of London.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about work?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n She shrugged.<\/p>\n \u201cSee anyone from school?\u201d<\/p>\n She shrugged again.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you spend all day watching telly?\u201d<\/p>\n Her face twitched into a smile.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, done bits and pieces \u2026. and been to the third star to the right.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs it worth the trip?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s an experience.\u201d<\/p>\n She made some vague references to people, places, nightclubs and a rock band that meant nothing to me. I asked a few bland questions. She gave evasive answers. Her smile remained but her eyes were sad. I had an idea she wanted to show me something without telling. I was ready to give her a chance, but two coffees were pressing on my bladder so I excused myself and spent a couple of minutes in the loo. When I returned she had gone. I knew I had done nothing wrong but couldn\u2019t help feeling bad about it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The next time was seven years later, while I was crawling slowly out of a bad place. It had been nearly three years since my wife died, and although the skewering bouts of grief had faded I was still in emotional limbo. A lack of focus had knocked me backwards at work, a misjudgement had led me to sell my flat and buy one less comfortable, and I was unable to experience anything like fun. It was a sunny day but I felt dull when I stepped out of caf\u00e9 and saw Stacey facing me across the street. She raised a hand and I waited as she crossed the road.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she said. \u201cI heard about your wife.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was a while ago,\u201d I replied. \u201cI\u2019m getting on with things.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, you look \u2026..\u201d she hesitated.<\/p>\n \u201cI know. Sad.\u201d<\/p>\n For some reason I smiled and she responded. I realised that she was different from the previous time, with more weight on her face, a nice hairstyle and brighter, better kept clothes. She seemed to have herself together.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you back in town?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Do you want coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m caffeined up at the moment.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow about a walk? The park\u2019s up the road.\u201d<\/p>\n I had somewhere to be but agreed, sending a text message with a so-so excuse. We walked into the park, around the duck pond and up the hill. She asked about my wife, how I was handling things, who I had around me, finding the words and tone of voice that conveyed a friendly concern. It was more than I would have expected for our third conversation in seventeen years. Then we sat on a bench and looked down towards the tennis courts and kids\u2019 playground.<\/p>\n \u201cI owe you an apology,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDisappearing from that caf\u00e9 last time we met.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s OK. You seemed a bit scattered, like you didn\u2019t know if you wanted to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was worse than that. I was still doing stuff that didn\u2019t do me any good. Drifting back and forth to \u2026\u201d – she laughed awkwardly \u2013 \u201cthe third star to the right\u201d.<\/p>\n I remembered us in the garden at that teenage party and smiled.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you still go there?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot for a long time now.\u201d<\/p>\n She told me she had been back in town for a couple of years, that her parents had got back on speaking terms and her dad was better than she remembered. There were some other family around, she had picked up with one woman from our school and found a couple of new friends, and a job that had her interested. She had given herself the chance to live a life.<\/p>\n \u201cBoyfriend?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n \u201cThere have been a couple. Neither lasted. No broken hearts. What about you, since your wife passed away?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA handful of internet dates. All awkward, left me feeling I wasn\u2019t ready.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s a shame.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe, maybe not. Can\u2019t rush it.\u201d<\/p>\n We glanced at each other. I noticed that her smile was different, glad to be in the world rather than laughing at it.<\/p>\n \u201cYou look better,\u201d I said. \u201cHappier.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI saw the light,\u201d she replied.<\/p>\n \u201cWhich light\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe one that leads to Neverland.\u201d<\/p>\n I laughed. \u201cOh no!\u201d You\u2019re reminding me of that.\u201d<\/p>\n A light spray hit our faces and we realised a shower was coming. Stacey looked at her watch and said sorry but she had to get back to work. I was ready for a friendly goodbye but she asked for my phone number, punched it into hers and a few seconds later I received a text.<\/p>\n \u201cSo you\u2019ve got mine as well,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cDoes that mean I should call?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, sooner rather than later. We can do something together.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you have any ideas?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe we can look for that second star on the right.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n