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<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nShe\u2019s\nalready chosen my tie for the evening, pale blue hooks on dark blue silk, and\nalways enjoys the ritual of looping and pulling it into place, followed by a\nstroke of my chin. Our faces are close enough for me to see the faint scars of\nher nip and tuck, catch the smell of toothpaste from her breath, and as always\nI\u2019m excited to be so close. I was made for Michelle. I smile at her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\nnuzzle at her earlobe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe\ndon\u2019t have time. I\u2019ll do your tie.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre\nyou sure we can\u2019t take half an hour?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo\nway. The Uber\u2019s here in five minutes, and this is business. He\u2019s an investor.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\nput on my suit jacket and glance in the mirror. I\u2019m tall, taut, handsome,\nlooking much older than I am but much younger than Michelle. There are very few\nmen like me, because Michelle is one of the few women with the money and desire\nto have us made.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRemind\nme of their names,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s\nCraig, the woman is Ava.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo\nyou know how long they\u2019ve been together?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAbout\nthree years I think.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m\ncurious. It will be the first time in our eighteen months together that we\u2019ve\nbeen out with another couple like us. They\u2019re the more common type \u2013 a rich,\nsuccessful man and a beautiful young woman \u2013 but they came together in the same\nway. Like me she was gestated, grown, raised and emotionally conditioned over a\nyear to be exactly what was wanted from a life companion, and to be perfectly\nhappy with it. There had been others at the New Life Centre while I was raised,\nbut we had gone to different people and become wrapped up in their lives. Now I\nwas going to meet another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s\nfun. The conversation is lively, a little business but a lot more talk about\nforeign cities, good restaurants and expensive art with a few laughs and a\nlittle teasing. Craig is slightly overweight and thin on top but dressed in a\nPaul Smith suit, and he has a friendly manner and a clever way with words. Ava\nis tall and slim with high cheeks and eyebrows darker than her blonde hair, a\nnatural laugh and an ear for jazz music that clearly pleases Craig. Michelle\nfinds them easy company \u2013 I can tell when she has to make an effort \u2013 laughs a\nlot and before dessert runs a hand inside my thigh under the table. There is\nsome talk about where Ava and I have come from. She had gone to Craig before I\nwas gestated, and both of us have simple but pleasant memories of the place. We\nknow about our lovers\u2019 past lives, failed marriages, and relationships that\nwere always made more difficult by their money. They both have family and\nfriends who are split in their attitudes; some accepting, some a little cold,\nothers avoiding us. None of us care, we\u2019re all happy, and even happier to have\nfound another couple who understand how we feel. At the end of the evening we\npromise to meet again soon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On\nthe way home Michelle is squiffy and talks a lot,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGod,\nshe’s changed Craig for the better. When I knew him in the past he was so\nserious, thought about nothing but work and making money, and you wondered if\nhe had any emotions. Actually, I’m going back a few years, but he could be a\nbit of an arsehole.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Really?\nI didn’t get that vibe at all.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\nknow! He’s more relaxed, more considerate, he was joking with us and talking\nabout the problem with his father. And he said he didn\u2019t want to keep working\nthe way he does for too long. It shows what having the right woman can do for a\nman.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She looks at me doe eyed and I respond with the wicked\ngrin that I know she loves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd I can think of something else the right woman can\ndo for a man.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I slip a hand under the hem of her dress and try to\npush it between her legs. She jerks, slaps my hand and wriggles free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat’s no way for a nice young man to behave.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou never wanted a nice young man.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We both fall into a dirty laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\nsee them again, half a dozen times over the next six months, eating at other\nrestaurants, taking a trip to the theatre and visiting each other\u2019s homes. When\nwe\u2019re at their place there\u2019s a time when Michelle and Craig have to talk about\nbusiness, and Ava and I sit alone together in the garden. We both have fond\nmemories of our mentors \u2013 the staff members who acted as surrogate aunts and\nuncles \u2013 and she tells me she writes to hers and has even met for lunch. I\nliked mine but haven\u2019t stayed in touch. We share memories of others like us who\nwere at the centre at the same time, either a little older or younger. Everyone\nwas friendly, no-one close. We agree that we\u2019re happy with how we\u2019ve been made\nand what we\u2019ve been given, comfortable lives with loving companions, and the\npromise of an easy retirement if they pass on before us. Neither of us get\nupset when we hear people talk about our type with a sneer and use words like\n\u2018replicant\u2019 or \u2018flesh toys\u2019, because we were raised to know it came from\nignorance and envy. Both of us are grateful to the New Life Centre, and don\u2019t\nbelieve the gossip about the new lives disappearing because their partners were\nnot satisfied or grew bored. That\u2019s malicious nonsense. It\u2019s good to talk about\nall this with someone like me, and there\u2019s a moment when there\u2019s nothing more\nto say but we sit and smile and I feel comfortable with her. Ava\u2019s becoming a\nnice friend, and when Craig and Michelle appear they seem pleased to see us\nlike this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s\nthree weeks later that Michelle returns from her office in a state of mild\nshock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCraig\u2019s been in an accident. He\u2019s in hospital, in a\ncoma.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know for sure. His assistant said there was a\nscuffle, then he was hit by a van.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We hear the full story when we visit Ava. They had\nbeen at a big business dinner, someone knew about and made a couple of snide\nremarks as they were leaving. Craig had been upset that day by a setback for\nthe business, and by then he was a little drunk and not prepared to let it go.\nHe threw a punch, knocked the guy down, and was then pushed back by another man.\nHe stepped backwards into the road in front of a white van. Ava is in tears,\nfearing that Craig might not pull through and unable to imagine life without\nthe man she was made to please. It makes me scared, thinking how I would feel\nif it was Michelle in the hospital bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over a few days it\u2019s touch and go, but then good signs\nappear and Craig comes around, begins to speak, and the doctors say he will\nrecover. He\u2019ll be creaky, need long term physiotherapy, but his brain works\nfine and he soon begins to talk about business \u2013 and complain that the police\nrefuse to press charges on anyone. We go to see him in hospital, glad that he\u2019s\ntalking clearly and ready to joke with us, but notice that Ava is quieter than\nusual. It\u2019s when there\u2019s a brief mention of Michelle\u2019s business that I notice a\ndifference. Craig picks up a laptop from beside the bed, Ava reminds him gently\nthat the doctors have told him not to look at anything to do with work, then he\nsnaps at her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s what paid for you!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Michelle and I glance at each other in a moment of\nembarrassment, and I notice the look in Ava\u2019s eyes. It\u2019s as if they\u2019re staring\ninto a void. Then Craig puts down the laptop and makes an apology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSorry, I\u2019m irritable. Need to get out of this bed\nsoon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The discomfort hangs in the air but we stay another\ntwenty minutes, talk about things that don\u2019t matter and even manage a laugh at\nthe end of the visit. When we leave Ava seems to have recovered from the shock\nand kisses both of us with a light hug. As we stand in the elevator I mention\nit to Michelle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe must have been shaken up worse than he\u2019s letting\non to speak to her like that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry about it.\u201d Michelle looks up at the floor\nindicator. \u201cAs he said, he\u2019s irritable because he\u2019s still stuck in bed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\ndon\u2019t see them for a few weeks. Craig is recovering at home and Michelle has to\ngo abroad to shore up a business deal. A couple of days after returning home\nshe calls, smiles at news that he is back on his feet and accepts an invitation\nto lunch. I look forward to it, aware that I\u2019ve missed the meetings with Craig\nand Ava.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s an awkward moment when we arrive, Ava staying\nout of sight for a while and a note of impatience in Craig\u2019s voice when he\nfinally calls for her. She appears smiling, kisses me and Michelle and makes a\nfuss of her new shoes. There are some drinks on the garden terrace, something\ncomes up about the business and Craig and Michelle decide they need to look\nover some documents in private. It isn\u2019t a surprise \u2013 I\u2019ve never known the details\nof Michelle\u2019s business \u2013 and they leave us alone together. Ava keeps up the\nsmile until I mention that I\u2019ve noticed Craig\u2019s limp and wonder if he\u2019s likely\nto be stuck with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe doctor said he should get over it with some\nphysio.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo no ill effects. That\u2019s great.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her expression changes and I realise there\u2019s something\nwrong. I drop my voice and cajole her a little, and at first she says there\u2019s\nnothing to worry about but in a voice that indicates she\u2019s upset.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell he seems in a good enough mood,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then she chokes a little, forcing a smile as a tear\nrolls down her cheek. I lean across the table and place my hand on hers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She wipes the tear, looks towards the house for a\nmoment, then back to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s not the same since the accident. His mood\u2019s\nchanged. He doesn\u2019t smile so much, and he\u2019s not enjoying things. Not his music,\nor anything on TV, and he\u2019s had no interest in going to a gallery or the\ntheatre.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s he like with you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOK some of the time, impatient at others. Sometimes I\nupset him and can\u2019t understand why. It\u2019s usually when I suggest something that\ncould be nice, but he snaps at me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIs it because of the accident?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s when it started, even before he left the\nhospital. At first I thought he was just shaken up and would get over it, but\nif anything he\u2019s got worse over the past couple of weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHave you spoken about it with him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another tear appears and she shakes her head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI tried once, but he didn\u2019t want to get into it. It\nwas the only time he\u2019s shouted at me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I squeeze her hand and give her a moment to wipe the\ntear. Now I\u2019m confused, concerned for her, along with a sense of guilt that I\nshould only feel that way about Michelle. I feel unsteady inside. Ava speaks\nagain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI can\u2019t help thinking that something\u2019s happened in\nhis head. He was in the accident because he got at angry at someone insulting\nme. Now he doesn\u2019t feel the same about me, and if that\u2019s right, then what\u2019s the\npoint in me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I see fear in her eyes and feel something cold in\nmy chest. For a moment I share the fear, then shake it off and squeeze her hand\nagain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt won\u2019t last,\u201d I say. \u201cHe just needs some time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She makes herself smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re right. Just some time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then her other hand slides over mine, we lean into\neach other and hug, touching cheeks. I\nfeel her hair on my nose and a tingle of excitement, followed by another of\nguilt, then we hear a noise by the door. Craig looks at us, his expression\ndeadpan but a glint of suspicion in his eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know what to say. Ava speaks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI had a stomach cramp. Simon was just \u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know,\u201d says Craig. \u201cMichelle will be out in a\nminute. \u201cAva, will you get the things for lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As she goes to the door Craig stares at me and I\u2019m\nworried about being left alone with him. But he follows her inside, a minute\nlater Michelle appears, and by the time they return with the plates and cutlery\neveryone is smiling again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The conversation during the meal is good humoured but\nwithout the spark there\u2019s been in the past, and we don\u2019t stay for long after\neating. On the drive home we\u2019re quiet for a few minutes before Michelle speaks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s not the same. Gives the impression he\u2019s not\nhappy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know. Do you think he\u2019ll stay like that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI hope not. He\u2019s not unpleasant, but I preferred him\nbefore the accident.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt must be hard for Ava.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know. Poor girl.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\ndon\u2019t see them for a month. One day I ask Michelle if she has been in touch\nwith Craig, and she tells me they\u2019ve had no reason to speak since the lunch. I\nthink about Ava every day, worried that she\u2019s unhappy, then forgetting as soon\nas I\u2019m with Michelle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One day she\u2019s at work and I\u2019m preparing a meal in the\nkitchen when there\u2019s a knock. I find Ava at the door, hands clutching her arms\nand looking sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI needed to get out for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIs Craig with you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s at home.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I pause for a moment, not sure if I\u2019m doing something\nwrong, then invite her in. We sit in the kitchen and I offer a green tea,\nknowing that\u2019s her favourite, but she asks for water and I guess something\u2019s\nwrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHas something happened with Craig?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The tears come before the answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s begun sleeping in the guest room. Not every\nnight, but more than he stays with me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe just says he\u2019ll sleep better, that I disturb him.\nBut when I ask how he won\u2019t say.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That sounds wrong. We\u2019ve been conditioned to sleep\nsoundly, and Michelle has said I\u2019ve never disturbed her sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIs that all?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then it all comes out, descriptions of his impatience,\ncriticisms, short temper and the times that he doesn\u2019t want her around. Ava\nsays it must have something to do with the accident but can\u2019t see why he should\nthink she was to blame. I tell her he doesn\u2019t \u2013 guessing that something in him\ndoes \u2013 and ask if she\u2019s spoken to anyone at the New Life Centre. She had spoken\nwith her mentor, who had been sympathetic but said she could only pass it on to\nthe director, who might speak to Craig. A few days later Craig had turned even\nworse for a while, with a lecture about the easy life that had been handed to\nher. It prompts a thought of Michelle talking that way to me and for a moment\nI\u2019m a little scared. Then I see from Ava\u2019s face that she\u2019s very scared and feel\nan urge to comfort her. Another tear rolls down her cheek and I lean forward\nand pull her towards me into a tight hug. Our breath meets and I hold on,\nfeeling excitement and guilt and not wanting to let go. Then there\u2019s a noise\nfrom the hall, we break off and lean back before Michelle enters the room.\nShe\u2019s surprised to see Ava but says a friendly hello, but then sees there have\nbeen some tears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIs something wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe thing with Craig has got worse.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She sits at the table and Ava repeats a little of what\nshe told me, then Michelle says she will make some tea, and whispers to me to\nleave the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe need some girl time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I go upstairs and sit in the bedroom, wanting to know\nwhat\u2019s being said between them but knowing there are probably limits to what\nMichelle will tell me. After half an hour I hear the doorbell ring downstairs,\nwalk to the door and hear Michelle telling Ava that she will talk to Craig and\nthat she will cover the Uber fare. I cross into the main guest room and look\nfrom the window to see Ava getting into the back of the car, her face turned\naway from me. There\u2019s a pang of regret and for a minute I just stand and listen\nto the car pull away. Then I hear Michelle\u2019s voice from the hall, speaking\nCraig\u2019s name, saying something about a surprise visit, then disappearing into\nthe kitchen. I move to the top of the stairs but can\u2019t hear, and know it would\nbe a mistake to move closer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two\ndays later I ask Michelle if she has heard anything from Craig.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot yet,\u201d she says. \u201cThey have things to sort out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Three\nmonths go by. Michelle and I have some nice nights out, more snuggled together\nat home, plenty of fun in the bedroom; but Ava lingers in the back of my mind.\nOne evening Michelle comes home late, says sorry but she was stuck in a\nmeeting, then mentions that Craig was there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid he say anything Ava?\u201d I ask. \u201cHow it\u2019s going\nbetween them?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Michelle pauses, looking at me with a trace of\nsadness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe\u2019s not with him any more.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe\u2019s gone back to the place where you both came\nfrom.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt wasn\u2019t right between them. Not her fault,\nobviously that accident did something to him, but he wasn\u2019t comfortable with\nher around any longer.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo what happens to her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey\u2019ll look after her at the New Life Centre, make\nher comfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know for sure. That\u2019s what Craig said.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She leaves the room and I sit silently for a few\nminutes, struggling to make sense of it all and feeling that I\u2019ve lost\nsomething. When Michelle returns she sits beside me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCan we visit Ava?\u201d I ask. \u201cI mean, she\u2019s been our\nfriend as well.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She looks at me with a firm expression that I\u2019ve never\nseen before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t think about it,\u201d she says. \u201cThe fact is that Ava was made for Craig but she\u2019s no longer right for him, and that\u2019s why she had to go.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t answer. Michelle seems to guess what\u2019s going\nthrough my mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Image by Keema Keur, CC BY-SA 2.0 <\/a>through flickr<\/em> \u201cDon\u2019t worry. You were made for me …. and I\u2019m happy.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"