![\"Statue](\"https:\/\/marksaywriter.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/Gormley-statue.jpg\")
<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\u201cI don\u2019t know. Prayer book? Or a plumber\u2019s manual for fixing a leak?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, it\u2019s something special. It\u2019s the clue to the secret.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy should there be a secret?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause he\u2019s here, in a cathedral. It\u2019s something very big.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe\u2019ve asked more than once.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMaybe we should look more closely.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe\u2019re not going in the water. They\u2019ll chuck us out and never let us back in.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peter moved a foot and I clutched his arm. I wasn\u2019t letting him into the water. We stood silently for a couple of minutes longer then heard one of the guides announcing the cathedral was going to close for the evening. I felt relief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCome on. Time to go home.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We climbed the stairs out into the transept of the building and ran into the guide. Peter immediately asked the question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s that man doing down there? What\u2019s it about?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat man?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe means the sculpture in the crypt.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cReading, isn\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cReading what? Is it something to with God?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The guide looked baffled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell this a cathedral, but I don\u2019t really know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
None of the other guides we had asked over the past few weeks had known.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I gave Peter and gentle tug and led him towards the building\u2019s exit, then felt relieved as we stepped outside. They wouldn\u2019t let us back in that day. As we walked through the garden in front of the building I wish I hadn\u2019t brought him along for that first visit. I had thought it might do something to clear the mess out of his head, give him a quiet space where his mind could relax, but we saw that statue and he became fixated. Susan said he talked about it three or four times a day, kept insisting that he needed to see it again to help him understand. I agreed to take him back largely to give her a break at home, but it had reached the point where I thought I should refuse the next time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we got back to Peter\u2019s house I could see from Susan\u2019s face something was wrong. I began to ask, she shook her head with that look that said \u2018Not in front of him\u2019, but he picked up on it, stood silently for a moment then knew what it was about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s that noise again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat noise?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cListen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I listened, heard nothing and shook my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s in the creaking, in the pipes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I listened again. There was a mild creak from somewhere and I realised it was in the central heating system.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDoesn\u2019t it always do that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt never used to?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I gave Susan a look that asked \u2018Is that right?\u2019. She closed her eyes and seemed to be holding back tears. I thought I could be helpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhen is your heating coming on?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFifteen minutes ago.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDoesn\u2019t that happen as the hot water moves around the pipes?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what the plumber explained.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her eyes were still closed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut it didn\u2019t used to do that,\u201d Peter said. \u201cI\u2019m sure of it. Why has it has started happening now?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Susan said. \u201cThe plumber didn\u2019t know. He said it could be the cold outside, or something had knocked one of the pipes, or that it\u2019s just older; and he bled the radiators and told us there\u2019s nothing to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was a moment\u2019s silence. I hoped that settled it, but feared it wouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe can say that,\u201d Peter said. \u201cBut he doesn\u2019t live here. I think we should get another plumber to look at it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t have to.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m going to do a computer search.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He headed towards the spare room. I began to follow but Susan tugged at my arm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLet him do it.\u201d I\u2019ll have dinner ready soon. It might distract him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHow long\u2019s this one been going on?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThree weeks, on and off, but he\u2019s not letting it go. I had noticed creaks before he made a thing of it, but I\u2019m scared to say anything. I never know if it will make things worse.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It left an uneasy pause between us. It was hard to see my brother descend into these obsessions, but she had to live it with day in and day out. And there had been that other incident in the high street, when he had become too persistent in asking a teenage girl to explain the symbol on her T-shirt. That had led to a police officer escorting him to the station and a painful explanation to her parents. It had all left Susan drained. Over the past year she had looked permanently tired, often close to tears. I spoke quietly again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhen did you last speak with a doctor?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYesterday. She told me there are other medications we can try, but he won\u2019t take the ones he\u2019s already been prescribed. And the therapy hasn\u2019t done any good, because he won\u2019t acknowledge there\u2019s a problem. She thought the only answer might be a period of supervision, where they can make sure he takes the meds and force him into therapy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou mean sectioned?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe didn\u2019t use the word, but yes, that\u2019s what she meant.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That hurt. It\u2019s hard to acknowledge your brother is messed up in head, harder to see him in a mental hospital.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSurely it doesn\u2019t need to go that far?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know. Maybe it does.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She turned away from me, and I realised she might need it as much Peter. I felt sick but couldn\u2019t argue with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A couple of minutes later he emerged from the spare room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShould I get another plumber, or a central heating engineer?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Susan answered quickly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThink it over. You might know tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peter looked uncertain but turned away. She moved closer to me and spoke quietly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019ll help. He\u2019ll let it go, just for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two days later I was at home, wrapping up work for the day and thinking about a penne arrabiata, when my phone rang with Susan\u2019s name on the screen. It prompted a sinking feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI can\u2019t find him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFor how long?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe went off late morning for a walk but hasn\u2019t come back. He always comes home by now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIs he answering his phone?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe picked up once then the call cut off. I think he did it on purpose because he hasn\u2019t picked up after that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBugger!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I felt anxious. Peter didn\u2019t have to be supervised all the time, but he had become less inclined to wander away from home, and he didn\u2019t like to break the routine around mealtimes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid he say anything?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot this morning, but yesterday he kept on about that man in the crypt again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMore than usual?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMore than usual.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ll call him once. If he doesn\u2019t pick up I\u2019ll go to the cathedral.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhen does it close?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAbout forty minutes. I might get there from here in thirty. I can\u2019t pick you up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ll make my own way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, stay home, in case he turns up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I called his number, got the ringing tone but no response, then jumped into the car. Two minutes later I cursed at realising I had forgotten the ticket that would get me into the cathedral all year, and thinking that Peter had probably taken his. The urgency was tangled with the fear that this was a breaking point, when he would do something wild enough to place him in an institution.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The traffic was heavy, I parked near the cathedral with less than ten minutes to spare and reached its doors bang on closing time. Two guides were seeing the last couple of visitors towards the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSorry we\u2019re closing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I showed them a photo of Peter from my phone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHave you seen him here this afternoon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The male guide shook his head without looking. The woman, white haired with large glasses, peered for a few seconds then nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe was in the crypt when I called closing. He followed me out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAll the way to here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She thought for a moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, I was distracted. But he surely he wouldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe might have doubled back. It\u2019s hard to explain but there\u2019s something in his head that keeps drawing him back to that spot. Can we take a look?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The man looked impatient, said it seemed far fetched, but the woman said she wasn\u2019t taking responsibility if he was locked in. She walked beside me to the crypt entrance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From the door we could see the viewing platform but not Peter. I went down the steps, looked along the crypt and saw him. He was beside the statue, knee deep in water and staring. I could see his head moving as if examining the figure from head to foot and back. His mind had created a mystery that had him transfixed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I spoke his name. He didn\u2019t respond. I shouted his name. This time he looked around, acknowledged me with a gentle nod, then looked back to the statue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe can\u2019t stay there,\u201d the guide said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ve got no intention of leaving him there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I climbed the low barrier and stepped into the water, squirmed as it soaked my legs and waded towards him. He ignored me, too deeply focused on the statue to be distracted. I touched his shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPete, what are you doing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTrying to work it out. What he\u2019s doing here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut, we\u2019re standing up to our knees in water, and it\u2019s cold. Couldn\u2019t you work out from the viewing platform?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI tried. I need to be closer.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He touched the statue\u2019s shoulder. I touched his arm but he pulled away, then took a step aside. He wasn\u2019t going to let me lead him back. I spoke quietly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPete, this isn\u2019t good. You\u2019ve been acting all wrong, and Susan and I are worried, and this is making me feel it\u2019s getting worse.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy should it be worse?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was thinking of a mental hospital, but knew this wasn\u2019t the right time to say so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause if we stand here much longer we\u2019ll both catch colds, or flu.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I moved and made another attempt to touch. Again he moved away. Now he was behind the statue, but his eyes settled on the point between its shoulders. His mind had locked into a question I couldn\u2019t answer. I dipped my head, pushed back my hair, then heard a sloshing sound from behind. The guide was wading towards us, water above the hem of her skirt. For a moment I feared a rebuke and possibly worse to follow, but then saw that she looked worried, sympathetic. She slipped into the space between me and Peter and questioned him in a soft voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat do you want here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI just want to understand. Why he\u2019s here, what it means.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She paused for a moment then smiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt doesn\u2019t have to mean anything. And you don\u2019t have to understand. We can\u2019t understand everything.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He turned his eyes from the statue to stare into hers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut we\u2019re meant to understand the world.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her smile broadened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cReally? Look around here, the whole building. Do you think anyone can understand all this? The whole thing about God? Heaven? Nobody can wrap their heads around what all that means.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He kept looking at her, seemed to be considering what she had said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou mean you don\u2019t get what all this means?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot everything. I just like it. It makes me feel better. And I don\u2019t get why this statue is standing here in the water, but I like the feeling whenever I look at it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou like it. But you don\u2019t get it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cExactly.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looked at the statue again. We all stood silently for about twenty seconds then the guide touched his arm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI think we should all get out of this water.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She moved and he followed. A couple of minutes later we were in a small room near the entrance drying our feet with paper towels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was clear that Susan had been crying. There was a look of defeat on her face and I suspected she had given in to the idea that Peter would have to spend time in an institution. Then she noticed we were both without shoes and in white socks that had been bought quickly from Primark. I urged Peter to change out of his damp trousers, then told her quietly what had happened. She was surprised by the way episode had ended.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe just gave up on it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOn that at least. It might have been something in the woman\u2019s voice, or just a trigger in what she explained. I don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She thought about it for a minute. The expression of despair remained. Then Peter came back into the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s started again,\u201d he said. \u201cThat creak in the pipes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Susan closed her eyes and took a quiet breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI called three of the numbers you found. I couldn\u2019t claim it was an emergency and the earliest that one could come is next Tuesday.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry. There\u2019s no rush.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It prompted a moment of uncertain silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI can do it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, it\u2019s OK. It isn\u2019t serious. We can live with it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peter smiled, walked to the window and looked into the garden. Susan and I turned to each other and shared a big look of surprise \u2026. and hope.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"